The Gift of Faith: A Journey from Four to Forever

Kim J-

When I was four years old, we moved from Southern Manitoba to Northern Ontario. I turned 4 in the car, on the way there. I couldn’t have been sad about it since I had a birthday party with one set of grandparents before I left and another birthday party with the other set when we arrived. 

I only remember bits and pieces, but I do remember the rental home we stayed in for 2 years before we bought our home. I have so many memories of that home that it feels like way more than 2 years. We lived right beside a lake that we could swim in all summer long. We had lots of lovely neighbours that let us go in and out of their homes whenever we desired. I remember an older couple down the road that would sit in their living room with us and serve us cookies when we dropped by. 

Our next door neighbours were a third pair of grandparents. It felt like we were there just about every day. We called them Grandpa and Grandma Rogers. Grandma Rogers would make us crafts, serve us snacks, and would have us over on a daily basis to watch cartoons like Mr. Dress-up, Sesame Street, and Theodore Tugboat. 

We immediately started attending the church my grandpa and grandma attended and I went to Sunday School on a weekly basis. Seven months after moving to Ontario, I was in Sunday School one morning and we read the verse in Isaiah 1:18 which says, “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool”.

I guess the lesson that week stood out to me. The next day I asked my mom how she had gotten saved. After asking her, I went to my older siblings and asked them the same question. I then asked my mom how my dad got saved. She told me I should ask him when he got home from work. I remember running out to the garage in January as soon as I saw my dad was home and asking him how he had gotten saved. 

After supper that evening when the dishes had been done, my siblings were playing a board game and my parents were having their evening coffee on the sofa together, I went to my room. I remember kneeling by my bed and asking the Lord to make my heart as white as snow. I remember feeling so light and happy. I skipped out of my room, climbed onto my parents’ laps and whispered, “I’m saved!!” 

As the years went on I had moments of doubt here and there. I remember one day when I was maybe 6 or 7 and I felt like Satan was under my bed telling me I wasn’t saved. I took out my Bible, turned to John 3:16 and read Satan the verse, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I said “see Satan, I believe in Him so I’m going to heaven”. 

After that, Satan left me alone for quite a long time. I didn’t have any doubts or fears for a long time. When I was 13, I was baptized in a lake that someone from our church lived beside. My grandpa baptized me along with my cousin and some other people from our church. 

When I was 16 or 17,  we had tent meetings in our town where a missionary came and spoke every night for a week. One night he talked about doubts and being sure you were really saved. This all of a sudden put a lot of doubt into my heart. For days I struggled with the assurance of being saved. I felt saved. I tried to serve God. I felt like I produced the Fruits of the Spirit. And yet, I started doubting the peace and promises God had already given me. I spent a lot of time reading my Bible that week and one day God brought a peace to me that covered all my doubt. I knew that no matter when I had asked him to be my Saviour, even if I was only four years old, it was still real. 

He listens to four year old’s just as intently as he listens to missionaries. He cares for every person uniquely in a deep way. I have gone through emotional highs and lows throughout my life and God has always been my constant friend and Father leading me through all the hurt, pain, waiting, and of course the peace and joy that inevitably come at the end of a long struggle. I pray you have or will find the peace and contentment only God can offer by accepting Jesus to not only take away your sins but to walk with you through your life. I couldn’t imagine doing life without Him.